Point - Counter Point : And now, "Weekend Update", with the "Weekend Update" news team. Brought to you by Cruelex, the first men's grooming aid that promotes jock itch. Here are co-anchorpersons Jane Curtin and Dan Aykroyd.
Dan Aykroyd: Good evening. I am Dan Aykroyd.
Jane Curtin: And I'm Jane Curtin.
Our top story tonight: The 76ers vs Pistons Playoff Series - Game 4
Dan: The Pistons are pissed now. They're gonna tear Philly a new one in game 4. No way they come out flat after the spanking they took Friday.
Jane: Dan, you're making me sick.. all this talk about the mighty Pistons is overblown. They are too old and too slow to beat the 76ers. The Sixers have shown they can put a game behind them ... win or lose. The Pistons ... I'm not so sure.
Dan: Jane you ignorant slut. The Pistons are a basketball dynasty. They have been to eastern conference finals for the last 5 years. They have the second best record in the NBA. They are loaded with all-stars. What do the Sixers have. Andre Igoudala ... a superstar wanna be.
Jane: Stop bogarting that pipe you're smoking Dan. Igoudala is a risings star. Sure he hasn't performed well in the 1st 3 games. But he's due. Look for a stellar game from Iggy in game 4. Unlike the Pistons' situation with Mr. Bigshot Billups, the Sixers can play well without their star.
Dan: Jane, you ignorant, misguided slut! Once again, you missed the point entirely. Billups goes through a little slump every year. It's just come a little earlier that usual. It's Flip Sunders fault the Pistons are down 2-1. Joe Dumars handed him a winner and he just hasn't been able to get it done. He knows he's is on the hot seat and he's making the Pistons look bad.
(Jane puts on a fake beard ala Reggie Evans)
Jane: Don't fight the fever Dan. You know Reggie has gotten under their skin. Flip didn't tell his guys to go out there and play lethargic one on one basketball, clank the ball off the rim and commit turn-overs. Its the energy of Evans and Philly's youth. And in Game 4 the Philly fans will give them the jolt they need to overcome what ever the Pistons do.
(Dan puts his head on the desk in despair)
Dan: But you don't understand, Jane. This is the NBA. We've already written the script! (sighs) This can't be happening!
Announcer: This portion of "Weekend Update" has been brought to you by David Stern and the NBA, where expanding basketball to ever nook and cranny of the globe is our passion. See Kevin Durant coming to the Okie City CopyCats and our new alliance with the Cartoon Network, the NFL Draft, and Fear.not.net.